What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
