I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
