its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
