And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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