My room smells like vodka and shame
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
