you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
