I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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