I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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