Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
