Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We named our party play list daddy issues
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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