Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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