i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
