Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
