a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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