It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
