Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
