I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
