i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's Friday. Sex?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
