i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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