So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
