That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
