i think i have two assholes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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