the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
