I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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