He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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