i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
we should paint friendship bongs
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