Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
