Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
