we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
