Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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