Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
