Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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