So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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