my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
