Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
