I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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