Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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he laminated a picture of his dick.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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