Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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