my sisters under your porch take her home
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
