I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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