I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
