is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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