Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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