She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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