I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
