Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
