Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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