Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
