I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
