There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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