just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
