What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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