Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize