I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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