and you said cock pushups were impossible
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
