Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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