What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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