Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My pussy is not your playground.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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