..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
