We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I will pee on everything he values.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
