hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
