Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
