so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
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I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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