How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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