No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
