So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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