Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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