I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
