I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
