mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
