i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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