Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
