saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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