Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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