dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i think my cat just said my name.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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