So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
