omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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