..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.