We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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