She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.