I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
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Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?