I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that