I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
