dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize