she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
