Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
